The Nudge: Reflections on Gratitude

 The Control is in The Release: 

Balloons released from atop my father's grave in 2007

 

"The Nudge: Reflections on Gratitude"

Even though I just wrote and posted the “I Need Do Nothing” post, I keep feeling an internal nudge that I need to sit down and write about the incredible experience that was last Thursday night. I tried to put it off because I have other things that I want scratch off of my to-do list for today, but the nudge is persistent so here I am.

I think the feeling is being fueled by my need to spill gratitude. Whenever I am filled and am all a’sparkle with gratitude, I deeply feel the need to release it back out into the ethers. It’s not that it wouldn’t be delightful to walk around filled to the brim with that special sauce, but rather that it feels like it’s meant to be shared and not held onto too tightly. It’s almost as if the spilling, the sharing, the releasing is a component of the energy or vibration of gratitude itself. (Suddenly, I am reminded of that post a few back about how giving actually is receiving and now I am envisioning a gratitude mobius strip which is both beautiful and amusing that both of these things have been fairly recent post topics.)

So, about last Thursday night…

Friends of mine own an incredible boutique, soHza sister, which is dedicated to the empowerment of women around the world. They recently began a new event series: Shop & Feed Your Soul, and I was invited to participate. Because the mediumship readings that I provide typically last anywhere from 60-90 minutes, it doesn’t really work for me to try to squeeze in a bunch of short readings into a two-hour window. What does work is a group demonstration where everyone gathers together and I am the messenger for the groups’ loved ones on the other side to come through. Of course, not everyone receives a reading in this setting, but can still be a very moving experience and when all goes well, we all come away with an even deeper understanding of how connected we all are with one another and with those on the other side.

If anyone would have told me years ago that I be doing this type of work, I wouldn’t have believed them and yet, here we are and I couldn’t feel one bit more blessed and honored. The joy and delight I feel light me up inside with the loveliest knowing that my feet are on my best-lit path.

Thursday night was an incredible gift. The small room was packed with every seat filled by amazing, loving, brilliant women. Their loved ones on the other side came through with details that were either validated in the moment or the following day by other family members, and they came through with humor. We all laughed and cried, and then laughed and cried some more. We found comfort in the eternal nature of our reality and in each other.

I find these demonstrations, as well as individual readings, to be a collaborative effort between the person receiving the reading, those on the other side, and me with my invisible support team serving as messenger. I’ve already said it but I will say it again, I am truly honored and grateful.

Words may never be able to fully express the depth and breadth of all that I feel in relation to this joyful work, but my guess is that the nudge will continue to poke and prod me into spilling each and every time.

 

 

 

(Quick Footnote Re: Balloons: In 2007, I was only thinking about the symbolism and my own much needed healing but now I would not release balloons due to it being akin to littering and the possibility of harming wildlife.)

The Necklace

 

This happened sometime in 2002. While I have told the story many times, I did not write it down at the time, so unlike many of my other stories, I don’t have the exact date.

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When my first born was a toddler, we would often go thrift store shopping together. I had opened an eBay store in 2001 and specialized in vintage toys, so my son enjoyed helping me hunt for treasure. We had such fun together. In later years, his little sister would join us and the three of us would have a wonderful time. All these years later, I often feel nostalgia for those days when I go into that particular thrift store.

Back then, I had already begun practicing listening to my intuition. I had received too many difficult life lessons all those times I ignored that little voice in my head. Listening was reinforced at this time in my life because I would often get a little nudge to go to a particular store on a particular day and would come away with some unique find for my son or for my on-line store.

On this day, I had such a nudge but I was also feeling rather depressed. I was having a period of grief over missing my dad, and all of my friends lived out of town. I was lonely and felt especially sad that he would never get to spend time with my children.

I decided to go ahead and go to our favorite store anyway. So, we packed up our toddler gear and headed the 25 minute drive north. My son and I went through all of the many toy bags and the enormous toy aisle but didn’t find anything at all. This both confused me because it seemed as if my intuitive nudge was wrong and it added to my already sad state. We picked out a Hot Wheel car for my son to add to his collection and made our way to the checkout area.

The line at the jewelry counter was the shortest, so we got in that one. When it was our turn to pay, I happened to glance down and saw a necklace that appeared to have my initials monogrammed on it. I asked the clerk if I could see it. I was so surprised when she brought it out of the case. Sure enough, there were my initials. A feeling of warmth flooded my body and I felt as though this was a gift from my dad. The pendant of the necklace looked almost as if it might be a locket. As I turned it over to take a closer look, my heart sank. My immediate thought was, “who would put a penny in a necklace?” as the back of the necklace did indeed have a penny in it. I was disappointed because I thought that it ruined the aesthetic beauty of the piece, but then I looked closer and saw that the penny was from my birth year! I knew then, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this really was a gift from my dad. Plus, the necklace was even silver which somehow made it all seem even more magical because while it would have seemed to be a spectacular coincidence if it were gold, I don’t wear gold jewelry.

This was the first and possibly the most impressive example of “pennies from heaven” from my dad, and I’m just so grateful for the reminder that we are never alone and that magical happenings might just be right around the corner.