The Four-Leaf Clover

 

This true story is from 2006. I share it in the hopes that it brings a smile and maybe some comfort to anyone who is missing someone on the other side. Synchronicity and signs from the other side are two of my favorite things.

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June 19, 2006

 

Part 1:                         The Four-Leaf Clover / The Gifts of Fatherhood

On Friday, June 16^th I settled in for a little evening TV and saw that John Edward was on. I asked my husband to call his mom to let her know, because she appreciates the call and finds a moment or two of solace in the connections made on the show. The program turned out to be about daughters missing their deceased fathers. The participating women talked about how hard it was for them on their wedding day, without their dads there to walk them down the aisle. The message of the show was that our loved ones are always with us, even if we do not sense their presence. The fathers made it clear to their daughters, through the medium, that they were part of their daily lives. The show really got to me and I was sobbing by the end just missing my dad’s physical presence so much.

Saturday was both a beautiful day and a very challenging one. Relationships were strained and by the time Sunday rolled around, I was emotionally spent and disconnected. Plus, I was feeling very depressed about Father’s Day. It was one of the hardest Father’s Days that I’ve experienced.

I know that my dad is with me all the time but sometimes the grief for the physical loss just needs to be released. In the middle of the pain, is where the gifts lie not because they can only be found in the midst of great pain but because they are with us everywhere we go and for me at least it seems that it often takes “being on my knees” before I open my eyes and am willing to receive the message of Love, each and everyone a gentle reminder of the eternal truth – unity, only and all.

For the first time in 27 years, I decided to visit my dad’s gravesite on Father’s Day. Armed with a newly blossomed lily from my garden and a need for solitude, I headed to the cemetery. I had the distinct thought that I would find my younger brother there and thought that maybe the reason that I felt compelled to visit was so that I could be a comfort to him. Before leaving the house, however, I couldn’t find my note with the gravesite section number and I left hoping that the office would be open and that they could help me find the plot.

The office was closed. After driving and walking for about an hour, I called my brother to see if he could remember. He didn’t answer his cell. Fifteen minutes later, I called again and this time, left a message telling him of my predicament. He called me right back and said that he didn’t know the number but he could visualize the location and could probably direct me there. He told me which part of the cemetery to drive to but it still didn’t look right to me. He then said, “I’m getting off that exit now why don’t I just come and show you.” That’s what he did. Turns out he was there to comfort me.

After crying and hugging for a few minutes, I sat down and tried to express how I was feeling. In the midst of the tearful conversation, I looked down at the grass in front of me. For a minute, I thought that my eyes were playing tricks on me (due to the tears and all).

I rubbed my eyes and looked again. By extending my right hand directly in front of me, about 4 –5 inches, I was able to grasp, examine and then pluck a four-leaf clover!

Immediately I laughed and said, “Okay. I feel better now.” Memories came flooding back about when I first learned of the four-leaf clover’s legendary luck. I was pretty young at the time and took to spending large quantities of time searching the clover in our yard and the neighbors’. I even found a couple! My optimism then was pure and my dad used to have a laugh watching me search so diligently. I knew immediately that this clover was a sign from Dad, just like the necklace but that’s another story…

When I came home, I took a photo of the clover and then pressed it between two pieces of wax paper. I planned on framing it, but at the time decided to store it for now in my well-worn copy of “A Course in Miracles.” The book contains well over 1000 pages but when I flipped the book open to store the clover, the section on the open page was entitled “The Gifts of Fatherhood.”

I started reading at that section and continued on for 20 –30 pages. All that I read helped me to center myself and lovingly deal with the strained relationship. Another miracle, indeed!

What are the odds?

·       According to Google, the odds of finding a four-leaf clover on the first try, (i.e. looking down and seeing one) is approximately 1 in 10,000.

How do the odds change if:

·       That happens on top of your father’s gravesite?

·       Directly in front of you?

·       On Father’s Day?

·       On the only Father’s Day that you’ve ever visited in 27 years?

·       When you need it most?

·       And it just so happens to represent relentless optimism in your relationship with your father?

What are the odds?

 

December 27, 2006

 

Part 2:                         The Four-Leaf Clover / A Mother’s Love

This year has held some very trying times for our family and several others that we know. For us, my husband’s sister passed suddenly in March. She was in seemingly perfect health, an aerobics instructor who was extremely health conscious and fit. We are all supporting each other as best we can. Some days, it is still just almost impossible to believe.

We also said goodbye to our dear old dogs, Kramer & Joey. For nearly 13 and 11 years respectively, they were a part of our family. We never dreamed that they both would leave us in such a short amount of time. We miss them and so do our neighbors.

The neighbors we are closest to, both in physical distance and in the friendship that we’ve formed have been married for 30 years. They have two daughters, both of whom are in grad school earning their Masters. The mother’s relationship with her daughters is a beautiful one. They are lovingly referred to as “The Pod” as in three peas in a.

Last October, the mother who is diabetic became very ill with gall bladder disease. She pulled through and was her old spunky self again. Early in the spring, the husband’s niece was diagnosed with cancer. She was given an 80% chance of survival but she gave up and passed away this fall. The whole family was angry that she never even tried to recover.

This past October, the mother and I were talking over the fence and she was telling me how angry she was and how badly she felt for her daughters that her niece had just given up, as she was the only grandmother figure that her daughters had ever known. She was their babysitter all throughout their childhood when she went off to work as a teacher. We talked about how difficult 2006 had been so far and how if we had known how it was going to go, maybe we would have opted out. She was optimistic and said that their difficulties had begun the previous October and maybe now their year of trials was over.

A couple of weeks later, I looked out our front door to see the paramedics parked outside and watched as they took the eldest daughter out on a stretcher. It wasn’t until the following day that I was able to find out that they had found her on the floor completely dehydrated from a really tough case of the flu. She was hospitalized, given fluids and recuperated quickly.

Exactly two weeks later, the paramedics were outside again. I prayed that it wasn’t for our friends but saw that their front gate was open. This time they carried the mother out on the stretcher. It was days before I saw her husband again and learned that she was suffering from complications from the diabetes. Her sugar and salt levels were all out of balance. By trying to level one, the other became even more desperately out of whack. He kept me up to date, over the fence, and he and the girls hoped to have her home for Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving came and went. Now she was in need of a liver transplant. Before she could be transferred to another hospital, both her sugar and salt levels had to be stabilized. The new goal became to get her home for Christmas. Now she is nothing if not a fighter. A stronger woman there never was. We all knew that she would pull through but she didn’t. She passed on Saturday, December 17^th.

After my husband and I attended the visitation, I was thinking that I wanted to write something to give to our neighbor and his girls. I was at a bit of a loss, though because as much as we’ve come to enjoy and appreciate having them next door, I don’t really know their beliefs or how to say anything at all about a loss so new and so deep. The thought came to me to give them the four-leaf clover and the part 1 of this story. I realized that I was risking that they might think that I was “a little out there” but I really felt like it was a chance worth taking, if the story offered them even one moment of solace then to hell with my credibility!

On Friday, I spent the day with my children wrapping gifts. While doing so, I found a frame in my gift-wrapping tote that someone had given me years ago. I had never found the right spot for it and for some reason had not put it in the tote with all of the frames, but in the gift-wrapping tote? The frame was frosted glass and had a small square area in the center where the clover fit perfectly. All around on the glass was etched, “I love you” in varying scripts. There were also two etched roses which reminded me of my neighbor and her love of flowers. I thought it would be nice if the youngest daughter could take it back with her to school in Louisville to help her get through being away from her family while they are all still mourning.

I removed the clover from “A Course in Miracles” (I guess there was a reason that I didn’t frame it that day) and trimmed the wax paper seal. After placing it in the frame, I wrote a note of explanation and printed off a copy of the four-leaf clover story. On the bottom of the page, I wrote: “The gift was given to me when I needed it most and now I give it to you. If you ever feel compelled in your heart, maybe someday you’ll pass it along to someone else.” Exactly, when I finished writing the note at the bottom of the story, my neighbor called me. (He’s called me maybe 3 times in the 7 years that we’ve been neighbors.) They had just gotten home from the funeral service. I told him that I had something for him and asked him to meet me at the fence. He did.

After that, I didn’t hear or see anyone for a few days. I was hoping that they were all holding up okay and that the package didn’t weird them out or seem inappropriate. On Christmas Eve, I saw the youngest daughter out back. We shared some tears and then she said, “I really love everything that you had in that bag.” I said, “Really? It didn’t seem odd to you?” And then she said, “Oh no. That was all right up Mom’s alley.” I asked her what she meant and she replied, “Mom and all of her siblings had an uncanny knack for finding four-leaf clovers.”